Time for an Icon or Archetype Upgrade???

This is a topic that we have talked about before:

How do you think about yourself?  What is your self image?

Part of the way we think of ourselves is through the use of icons and archetypes.

Most likely some of your icons and archetypes could use an upgrade.

Let me give you a few examples that I have run across recently:

“Bob” sees himself as a survivor and if you know his history, this is accurate.  He has survived some truly rough experiences and has created a good life for himself.

However, in order to be a survivor you need things to survive.  So, “Bob” keeps attracting challenges into his life that he must then overcome and survive.

Being a survivor is useful, it just isn’t a good final destination.  “Bob” needs to upgrade that archetype to being a thriver.

“Sally”  thinks of herself as a lighthouse - guiding people and showing them the way.

The problem with this icon is:  where are lighthouses typically located?  They are in desolate, storm swept, remote areas.  They are lonely.

“Sally is lonely.”  She needs to upgrade her icon.

What if she thought of herself as a big spotlight shining up into the night sky guiding people to a big party.  She would have a very different experience of her life.

What are some of your icons and archetypes that could use an upgrade?  Are you a martyr, a victim, a lone ranger, a rock, a child, a . . . ?  Do these icons and archetypes serve you?  If yes, keep them.  If not, it’s time to upgrade.

How to upgrade your icons and archetypes:

#1  Identify existing icon or archetype.

#2  Figure out what would be a useful upgrade.

#3  Visualize the existing image in the palm of your left hand.  Have that image be as bright and clear as you can.

#4  Then visualize the upgrade image in the palm of your right hand.  Have that image be as bright and clear as you can.

#5  Go back and forth between the two images several times.

#6  Now slowly place the back of your right hand in the palm of your left hand.  As you are doing this, see the image in your left palm begin to fade out and be replaced by the upgrade image in your right palm.

#7  Leave you hands like this until you feel a shift (probably 30 seconds to a minute).  Then bring both hands against the center of your chest and leave them there until you feel another shift.

#8  Repeat this exercise 6 times over the next 3 days.

Also you will want to start actively thinking of yourself in terms of the upgrade.  (”Bob” would think, I am a thriver.  “Sally” would think, I am a spotlight promoting a great party.)

Wishing you great joy and success,

Jonathan Manske

Emotional Flat Tire

This has happened to you.  It has happened to everyone.  Something happens in your life and “bamm” you are emotionally as flat as a pancake.

Your joy, vitality, enthusiasm, and get-up-and-go have all vanished.  You are stuck in the blahs, completely uninspired and don’t want to do anything.

You have experienced an emotional flat tire.  It’s hard to keep moving forward when you have a flat tire.

The technique I’m going to share here will allow you to get that emotional flat tire patched up and you back on the road moving forward.

In order to utilize this technique, you need to know about two things:  the human energy body and how to fix a flat bicycle tire.

#1  From an energy viewpoint, a person has five concentric layers (see illustration).

#2  If you have ever ridden your bike through stickers, you know what happens.  A thorn punctures your inner tube and all the air goes out of your tire.  You then need to take off the tire, remove the inner tube, find the puncture hole and patch it.  Then you need to reinstall the inner tube and tire and then pump up your tire.  Now you can ride again.

Imagine that the emotional level of your energy field is like that inner tube.  It can get punctured and when that happens you end up emotionally flat.  Instead of thorns, it can get punctured by words, by thoughts or by experiences.

Here’s what you do when that happens:

#1  Using your intent, intend that you are removing the thorn(s) and patching the hole.**  Use “love” as your glue to seal/repair the holes.

#2  Spend some time remembering happy, joyful, playful times in order to reinflate the emotional layer.

#3  Get back on your bike and start moving forward again.

#4  Repeat when necessary.

**You do not need to know what the “thorn” is or how it got there in order to remove it.  All you need to do is intend to remove it.

If I’m riding my bike and discover that I have a flat tire and see a thorn sticking out of my tire does it really matter if I know where or how I got the thorn?  Does knowing that at exactly 12 minutes and 23 seconds into my ride I ran over a purple leaf tiredeflaterus that was in full bloom make any difference at all to the fact that I have a flat tire.  No!  The work in front of me is to repair the tire and get back to riding whether or not I know how it happened.

Where knowing does become valuable is in assisting you to prevent this from happening again.  If I now know that this field is full of thorns, I won’t ride here again or I’ll pay more attention and make sure that I stay on the path.

If we know how we got emotionally deflated then we can take steps to prevent that from happening again.

Wishing you great joy and success,

Jonathan Manske

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Mirror Mirror on the Wall

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You have an image of yourself inside your head, your Self Image .

This image acts as the ultimate instruction manual for your life.  It provides the rules of operation by which you live.

Your thoughts, behaviors and actions are all consistent with your self image.

Now here’s the thing:  some of your self image is beneficial and supports you to have a great life and some of your self image is not beneficial and causes you to suffer.  And almost all of your self image got created by accident.  It was influenced by parents, teachers, friends, society, culture, religion, role models, and your experiences.

For example:  If your self image includes being a successful business person that would probably make your life better.  If your self image includes being an inept business person that would probably make you suffer.

The good news is that you can change parts of your self image and in so doing you can improve your life.

Here’s an easy way to change your self image:

First of all, you need to get a sense of your current self image.

#1  Pick an area of your life that you are looking to improve.  As an example, let’s use money (or fitness).

#2  Imagine that you enter a big room and in the room are four groups of people.

In one corner are people earning minimum wage and entry level type salaries.  (Overweight non-exercisers)

In the second corner are working people who earn $40-80K a year.  (A little chubby, occasional exercisers)

In the third corner are business owners and managers who make $100-250K a year.  (Fit, exercise daily)

And in the fourth corner are executives, top sales people and CEO’s who make over $250k a year.  (Marathon runners etc.)

#3  In which of these four groups would you feel most comfortable, most at home?  (Stick with reality here - not which group would you most like to be in but rather which one would be most natural, familiar and comfortable.)

That is your current self image.

#4  Imagine that you are a shorts and t-shirt type of person and that you dressed up in formal evening wear, a tuxedo or cocktail dress.  When you look in the mirror, it might take a moment to recognize yourself and then you would say, "oh yeah, that’s me."

#5  You want to use this idea, "Oh yeah, that’s me" to change your self image.

Create an image that is an upgrade of your current image.  Then keep reminding yourself, "Oh yeah, that’s me!"

It only takes a couple of seconds to do this:  "Oh yeah, that’s me - the successful business person!"  "Oh yeah, that’s me - the daily exerciser!"

When you keep reminding yourself of this, you begin to change that self image and when you do that, your life changes!

Mirror Mirror on the wall, who’s that successful ________ I see?  Oh yeah, that’s me!

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Mr. Eat, Pray, Love

Dave Bravdica’s friends often refer to him as Mr. Eat, Pray Love.

(This is in reference to the book Eat, Pray, Love written by Elizabeth Gilbert.  Her book was #1 on the NYT Paperback Nonfiction List for over a year!)

Dave has a great story.  He got clear about what he wanted and then took the courageous steps to make that happen.

When I first met Dave, he was working for a company that was very hierarchical and old school in philosophy.

This was a terrible fit for Dave and it showed.  He looked worn out, stressed out, uninspired and his self confidence was circling down the drain.

His biggest challenge was the "golden handcuffs".  He couldn’t imagine that he would ever be able to replace his income while doing something that he enjoyed.  He had a lot of head trash around this issue.

Dave spent a while having a tug of war with himself:  I should do something different - I cannot do something different and make money.  This only further depleted his vitality.

Finally on his birthday, Dave said to himself, "I either need to do something different or resign myself to the way things are now.

He decided to do something different.

He quit his job and enrolled in chef’s school.  After chef’s school he went to Italy to learn more.

Dave believes that in order to understand the food you need to understand where it comes from and the people.  To this end, he spent time working in a winery, a cheese farm and a cured meats farm.  He really immersed himself in Italian culture.

Now he’s back in Denver and has opened his own catering business, Flavor Cater, and is also teaching at the chef’s school.

I recently saw Dave and was delighted to see how good he looked.  He looks so much more happy and full of vitality.  He’s excited and optimistic about the future.  And, he is doing what he loves.

Dave is all about food and wine and how they can bring people together.

We can all learn something from Dave’s story.

We have all done what Dave did when he got trapped in an either/or perspective.  (Either I can stay here and be miserable or I can do something different and make much less money.)  In Dave’s mind those were the only two possibilities.

Here’s an analogy: There are two kinds of light switches, on/off and dimmer.  With on/off you only have two options.  With a dimmer switch you have a wide range of options.

Whenever we seem stuck or trapped, we are doing the on/off switch.  When we change our perspective and start to see more possibilities (dimmer switch) the sense of being stuck or trapped tends to disappear.

Dave will be my guest this week on The Inevitable Success Radio Show

You can tune in to that show on Thursday September 18th at 1:00 Mountain Time at www.realcoachingradio.com.

The show will also be archived if you want to listen at a later time.  archive link

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Keep On Moving Forward

This spring I went on an adventure.  As it turns out, my adventure is a pretty good recipe for success.

My motto during the adventure was "Keep Moving Forward!"

Four friends and I decided to ride the Kokopelli Trail.  This is a mountain bike trail that runs from Fruita Colorado to Moab Utah.  It is 150 miles of very tough riding.

Going into the ride, I had concerns about my ability to complete this ride.  Simply put, I had not prepared enough.  The longest training ride I had done was 20 miles and I was exhausted after that.  Now I needed to do three 50 mile days in a row.

I decided that as long as I kept moving forward I would be all right.

I kept this idea, Keep Moving Forward, in mind throughout the ride.

When I came to really steep sections of the trail, I got off my bike and walked.  I have the ability to ride those sections but the energy it would have cost me was too much.  As long as I was walking, I was still moving forward.

My goal was to complete the ride and if walking 50 yards here and there helped me to complete that goal then I was fine with that.  In fact, there are numerous mandatory hike-a -bike sections on the trail that nobody can ride.  I just had a few more hike-a-bikes.

This strategy served me well.  I kept moving forward and I completed my goal.

Other elements were necessary in order for me to keep moving forward and achieve my goal.  (Do you have these elements in place to support you to keep on moving forward?)

Support:
Jason’s dad drove sag.  He met us about every 20 miles with food, water, tools to fix our bikes and our camping gear.  Without him, we wouldn’t have been able to complete the ride.

We also had the support of each other and of friendship.  This helped immensely.  (What’s your support?)

Rest and Recovery:
Part of moving forward is taking breaks where you are not moving forward.  Without stopping to rest, eat and sleep we wouldn’t have succeeded.  In the face of stress and effort, we still needed to take care of ourselves.  (How do you rest and recover?)

Snacks:
I ate a lot of powerbars and other energy snacks on the trail.  Whenever I would start to feel tired, I would put some more fuel in my tank which would allow me to keep moving forward.  Without these snacks, I would not have succeeded.  (What are the "snacks" that put fuel in your tank?)

The Right Equipment:
Obviously the right equipment was an important part of being able to complete the ride.  A road bike would have been destroyed 5 miles into the ride.  This is a serious mountain bike trail.

I also needed my pump and a spare tube.

My camelback carries 120 oz of water, has storage for tools, food and extra layers of clothes.  (Do you have the right equipment?)

Trail Map:
All of the other things I have mentioned would have been useless without a plan of where we were going and a map to guide us.  (Do you have a map and a plan?)

Remember, your success is a long journey.  As long as you Keep Moving Forward , you constantly move closer to achieving your goal.

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From my observations of working with people, it seems that nobody really understands trust.

What does it mean to trust?

Most people leave reality and go to fantasy land (where everything is perfect) when they think of trust.  Instead of dealing with what is so, they pretend that things are the way they want them to be.

Let me give you an example from my own life.  Many years ago my wife and I bought a fixer-upper house that we were going to fix up and then sell.

Our contractor, Steve, repeatedly over promised and under delivered, lied to us and did poor quality work.

Instead of dealing with reality and firing him, I went to trust fantasy land.  This is a place where Steve really was a good guy, he would come around and treat us right, he would start doing what he said, he would get the job done well, on time and on budget.

Of course, none of this happened. Steve continued to be who he had shown himself to be.  I continued to have headaches, frustration and stress over this project.  And, instead of making money on this venture we lost money.

I see this all the time.  Instead of dealing with reality people go to trust fantasy land.  The consequences of going to trust fantasy land are usually painful.

So then, What does it mean to trust?

There’s an old Chinese proverb:  Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.

This saying captures what it really means to trust.

Trusting means paying attention and observing what is there.  People are creatures of patterns, programs and habits.  They will show you who they are and what they do over and over.

Genuine trust is trusting that person to be true to their habits and patterns, to expect them to repeat what they have already done.  Then processing this and asking yourself, "Does this work for me?"

If I had done this with Steve, I would have realized that he was going to continue to break his word, over promise and do poor quality work.  Then if I had asked myself if this works for me, the answer would have been "OF COURSE NOT!" and I would have fired him.

(Boy I wish I could have a do-over on that project!)

This is also true for self-trust.  We should expect ourselves, we should trust ourselves, to be true to our own patterns, programming and habits.

If you procrastinated today, you should trust yourself to procrastinate tomorrow.  Then instead of beating yourself up because you are a "bad person who procrastinates", you end up just dealing with reality - "Oh, I’m being true to my patterns and am procrastinating again."

Ironically, dealing with what is makes it easier to change because it removes pressure.

Life gets easier when we deal with reality, when we deal with what is, and then make decisions based on that.  Trust others and yourself to be true to patterns, programs and habits and your life will get easier.

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How Do You Think About Yourself?

The way that you think about yourself has everything to do with the way your life is turning out.

Maxwell Maltz was a very famous plastic surgeon.  (He also wrote Psycho Cybernetics.)  He discovered something very interesting.  What he discovered is that he would do the same procedure on two different people and create very different results.

Let’s imagine that two people went to see Maltz because their noses had gotten crushed and deformed.  Because of this blemish, they had become self conscious and shy.  After the surgery one’s life was totally changed.  He became social, outgoing and confident.  For the other, nothing really changed.  In fact oftentimes this person couldn’t even tell that he looked different.  Friends and family could see the difference but he couldn’t see it in himself.

Maltz realized that there is a self image inside our heads - who we think we are.  This self image runs our lives.

If we change the outside but do not change the inside, the self image, nothing really changes.

I had a very insightful weekend regarding my own self image.

I think of myself as a laborer rather than a business owner.  This is a problem!  This is contradictory to what I want to create in my life.

I’ve been an entrepreneur pretty much my whole life but I have never thought of myself as such.

In high school and college I had a lawn mowing business.  I made way more money then my peers who had summer jobs.  But I never thought of myself as a business owner.  It never occurred to me to get even more customers and then hire some labor and make money off of their efforts.  Instead, my mindset was that if I want to make more money, I just need to work more.

Well, 20 years later I’m still doing that.  I still think of myself as a laborer.  Now that I am aware of this, I see it all over my life.

On my recent fishing trip to Alaska, I was a laborer.  If I saw something that needed to get done - I did it - get the boat ready, rig up fishing poles, haul salmon, vac-pac salmon and so on.  (I am a very good laborer).

If my self image was of a business owner, an entrepreneur, I would have seen that these things needed to be done and then would have made sure that they got done with me doing the doing as a last resort.

The good news is that:  You can change your self image!

Contrary to popular opinion, you can change your self image and changing it can be a quick, easy and painless process.

I have an appointment with myself this afternoon to do some work on changing my self image from laborer to business owner/entrepreneur.

Take a look at how you think about yourself.  If that thinking is not consistent with what you want to create in your life, then it’s time for a self image upgrade.

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More useful than LIFE PURPOSE

People often wonder about and search for their life purpose.  Why am I here?  What am I supposed to do?  What is my niche?  Where do I really fit in?

I believe that there is something that is both much easier to find and much more useful - your Personal Mission Statement .

The people that I have talked to about this, people who were looking for their life purpose, were easily able to identify their personal mission statement.

A life purpose defines you in a certain niche, a certain area.  If my life purpose is to be a teacher then what am I supposed to do in those times when I’m not teaching?  I’m kind of lost and have lost my foundation.

Your personal mission statement crosses all contexts and is with you always.

My personal mission statement is:  My job here is to make people’s lives better.  "Here" is wherever I’m at.  If I’m talking to a group, my job is to make their lives better.  If I’m in line at the grocery store, my job is to make people’s lives better.  Writing this post, my job is to make people’s lives better.

The personal mission statement gives me a solid foundation on which to stand.  It gives meaning and purpose to whatever it is that I am doing.  It makes me more resourceful and stronger.

Recently I was playing doubles sand volleyball. On the court next to us were 4 young 20-something studs.  I have more body fat then all 4 of these guys combined and they were also really good players.

For whatever reasons, I started feeling insecure and old.  I was able to witness this silly thinking but not able to get over it.  Then I remembered my personal mission statement.  I realized that I was not making the 4 young stud’s lives any better.  I was not making the lives of the 3 guys I was playing volleyball with any better and I certainly was not making my life any better.  I was able to get over it immediately as soon as I remembered my personal mission statement.

A friend of mine is an artist and a bodywork practitioner.  She was not very comfortable asking people for business.  That’s because she thought she was asking for the sale and for their money.  After we did a little work to uncover her personal mission statement, she realized that she was really asking people if they wanted to be inspired.  Obviously these are two very different asks.  Her personal mission statement is about bringing inspiration to people.  Her bodywork and her art are simply vehicles for bringing that inspiration.

I talked with a woman today who has a network marketing business.  She’s been trying to figure out her "why" for doing the business for a while now. I suggested that instead of a "why" let’s look for a personal mission statement.

I said to her that she probably already knew what her personal mission statement is but just does not know that she knows.  Within a couple of minutes she had the bones of it - empowering women to live more fulfilling lives.

This gave here a completely different place to conduct business from.  It empowered her.  Doing business is not about getting a new client or distributor any more.  It’s about empowering women.

What is your personal mission statement?

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Recipe for a Great Life

I am making an assumption here.  The assumption is that everyone wants to live a great life and be truly happy.

For years I have been telling people that it is impossible to have a great life if your career stinks.  If you spend 40+ hours a week engaged in something that you do not enjoy and that drains your vitality and aliveness, how good can your life be?  How good of a spouse, parent, friend or neighbor can you be coming out of a toxic environment every day?  This heavily impacts you and there is a big cost.

That is why I do what I do.  I make people’s lives better through improving their business or career.

Recently I had my eyes opened.  After being in denial for a while, I saw that an area of my life was really out of balance.  I also saw that this was having a serious impact on my quality of life.  I realized then that it is impossible to have a great life if any major area of your life is not working for you.  You need all areas to be working well.

How good can your life be if you do not enjoy your job, career or business?

How good can your life be if you have major tension and problems in your important relationships (significant other, children, parents, best friends)?

How good can your life be if you are always concerned about your finances?

How good can your life be if you are always concerned about your health and well-being?

In sports it is often said that you are only as good as your worst day.  If you are not playing well and you can still win then you know you are good.

We can adapt this saying to life.  Your overall quality of life is only as good as your worst area.

Think of a hot air balloon.  If there is too much baggage, too much weight, the balloon will not be able to rise to the heights.  With each sandbag removed, the balloon can rise higher.

If you want to live a truly great life, take a look at your worst area.  Make some changes there so that you can get more of what you want.

When you do this, overall quality of life will rise!

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Losing Weight - a bad idea

Yesterday I overheard someone mention that they needed to lose weight.

There is a big problem with this kind of thinking.

What is the very first thing you do when you lose something?  - You try and find whatever it was that you lost. You will tear up the whole house looking for what you have lost.  As soon as it is lost, it becomes something important, something you must have back.  You will look and look.  Even if you give up on looking for what you lost, you will wonder about it, "Where did it go?"

So, why would you want to lose weight?  You are just asking to get it back!

How you talk to yourself and the way you talk to yourself really does matter.  It really does make a difference.

If you are talking about losing weight, you are sabotaging yourself.

When you talk about losing weight, you are also focusing on what you do not want rather then on what you do want. You get what you focus on.

What you want is to be healthy and at your perfect weight.  Focus on that instead.