Time for an Icon or Archetype Upgrade???

This is a topic that we have talked about before:

How do you think about yourself?  What is your self image?

Part of the way we think of ourselves is through the use of icons and archetypes.

Most likely some of your icons and archetypes could use an upgrade.

Let me give you a few examples that I have run across recently:

“Bob” sees himself as a survivor and if you know his history, this is accurate.  He has survived some truly rough experiences and has created a good life for himself.

However, in order to be a survivor you need things to survive.  So, “Bob” keeps attracting challenges into his life that he must then overcome and survive.

Being a survivor is useful, it just isn’t a good final destination.  “Bob” needs to upgrade that archetype to being a thriver.

“Sally”  thinks of herself as a lighthouse - guiding people and showing them the way.

The problem with this icon is:  where are lighthouses typically located?  They are in desolate, storm swept, remote areas.  They are lonely.

“Sally is lonely.”  She needs to upgrade her icon.

What if she thought of herself as a big spotlight shining up into the night sky guiding people to a big party.  She would have a very different experience of her life.

What are some of your icons and archetypes that could use an upgrade?  Are you a martyr, a victim, a lone ranger, a rock, a child, a . . . ?  Do these icons and archetypes serve you?  If yes, keep them.  If not, it’s time to upgrade.

How to upgrade your icons and archetypes:

#1  Identify existing icon or archetype.

#2  Figure out what would be a useful upgrade.

#3  Visualize the existing image in the palm of your left hand.  Have that image be as bright and clear as you can.

#4  Then visualize the upgrade image in the palm of your right hand.  Have that image be as bright and clear as you can.

#5  Go back and forth between the two images several times.

#6  Now slowly place the back of your right hand in the palm of your left hand.  As you are doing this, see the image in your left palm begin to fade out and be replaced by the upgrade image in your right palm.

#7  Leave you hands like this until you feel a shift (probably 30 seconds to a minute).  Then bring both hands against the center of your chest and leave them there until you feel another shift.

#8  Repeat this exercise 6 times over the next 3 days.

Also you will want to start actively thinking of yourself in terms of the upgrade.  (”Bob” would think, I am a thriver.  “Sally” would think, I am a spotlight promoting a great party.)

Wishing you great joy and success,

Jonathan Manske

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Mirror Mirror on the Wall

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You have an image of yourself inside your head, your Self Image .

This image acts as the ultimate instruction manual for your life.  It provides the rules of operation by which you live.

Your thoughts, behaviors and actions are all consistent with your self image.

Now here’s the thing:  some of your self image is beneficial and supports you to have a great life and some of your self image is not beneficial and causes you to suffer.  And almost all of your self image got created by accident.  It was influenced by parents, teachers, friends, society, culture, religion, role models, and your experiences.

For example:  If your self image includes being a successful business person that would probably make your life better.  If your self image includes being an inept business person that would probably make you suffer.

The good news is that you can change parts of your self image and in so doing you can improve your life.

Here’s an easy way to change your self image:

First of all, you need to get a sense of your current self image.

#1  Pick an area of your life that you are looking to improve.  As an example, let’s use money (or fitness).

#2  Imagine that you enter a big room and in the room are four groups of people.

In one corner are people earning minimum wage and entry level type salaries.  (Overweight non-exercisers)

In the second corner are working people who earn $40-80K a year.  (A little chubby, occasional exercisers)

In the third corner are business owners and managers who make $100-250K a year.  (Fit, exercise daily)

And in the fourth corner are executives, top sales people and CEO’s who make over $250k a year.  (Marathon runners etc.)

#3  In which of these four groups would you feel most comfortable, most at home?  (Stick with reality here - not which group would you most like to be in but rather which one would be most natural, familiar and comfortable.)

That is your current self image.

#4  Imagine that you are a shorts and t-shirt type of person and that you dressed up in formal evening wear, a tuxedo or cocktail dress.  When you look in the mirror, it might take a moment to recognize yourself and then you would say, "oh yeah, that’s me."

#5  You want to use this idea, "Oh yeah, that’s me" to change your self image.

Create an image that is an upgrade of your current image.  Then keep reminding yourself, "Oh yeah, that’s me!"

It only takes a couple of seconds to do this:  "Oh yeah, that’s me - the successful business person!"  "Oh yeah, that’s me - the daily exerciser!"

When you keep reminding yourself of this, you begin to change that self image and when you do that, your life changes!

Mirror Mirror on the wall, who’s that successful ________ I see?  Oh yeah, that’s me!

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Mr. Eat, Pray, Love

Dave Bravdica’s friends often refer to him as Mr. Eat, Pray Love.

(This is in reference to the book Eat, Pray, Love written by Elizabeth Gilbert.  Her book was #1 on the NYT Paperback Nonfiction List for over a year!)

Dave has a great story.  He got clear about what he wanted and then took the courageous steps to make that happen.

When I first met Dave, he was working for a company that was very hierarchical and old school in philosophy.

This was a terrible fit for Dave and it showed.  He looked worn out, stressed out, uninspired and his self confidence was circling down the drain.

His biggest challenge was the "golden handcuffs".  He couldn’t imagine that he would ever be able to replace his income while doing something that he enjoyed.  He had a lot of head trash around this issue.

Dave spent a while having a tug of war with himself:  I should do something different - I cannot do something different and make money.  This only further depleted his vitality.

Finally on his birthday, Dave said to himself, "I either need to do something different or resign myself to the way things are now.

He decided to do something different.

He quit his job and enrolled in chef’s school.  After chef’s school he went to Italy to learn more.

Dave believes that in order to understand the food you need to understand where it comes from and the people.  To this end, he spent time working in a winery, a cheese farm and a cured meats farm.  He really immersed himself in Italian culture.

Now he’s back in Denver and has opened his own catering business, Flavor Cater, and is also teaching at the chef’s school.

I recently saw Dave and was delighted to see how good he looked.  He looks so much more happy and full of vitality.  He’s excited and optimistic about the future.  And, he is doing what he loves.

Dave is all about food and wine and how they can bring people together.

We can all learn something from Dave’s story.

We have all done what Dave did when he got trapped in an either/or perspective.  (Either I can stay here and be miserable or I can do something different and make much less money.)  In Dave’s mind those were the only two possibilities.

Here’s an analogy: There are two kinds of light switches, on/off and dimmer.  With on/off you only have two options.  With a dimmer switch you have a wide range of options.

Whenever we seem stuck or trapped, we are doing the on/off switch.  When we change our perspective and start to see more possibilities (dimmer switch) the sense of being stuck or trapped tends to disappear.

Dave will be my guest this week on The Inevitable Success Radio Show

You can tune in to that show on Thursday September 18th at 1:00 Mountain Time at www.realcoachingradio.com.

The show will also be archived if you want to listen at a later time.  archive link

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From my observations of working with people, it seems that nobody really understands trust.

What does it mean to trust?

Most people leave reality and go to fantasy land (where everything is perfect) when they think of trust.  Instead of dealing with what is so, they pretend that things are the way they want them to be.

Let me give you an example from my own life.  Many years ago my wife and I bought a fixer-upper house that we were going to fix up and then sell.

Our contractor, Steve, repeatedly over promised and under delivered, lied to us and did poor quality work.

Instead of dealing with reality and firing him, I went to trust fantasy land.  This is a place where Steve really was a good guy, he would come around and treat us right, he would start doing what he said, he would get the job done well, on time and on budget.

Of course, none of this happened. Steve continued to be who he had shown himself to be.  I continued to have headaches, frustration and stress over this project.  And, instead of making money on this venture we lost money.

I see this all the time.  Instead of dealing with reality people go to trust fantasy land.  The consequences of going to trust fantasy land are usually painful.

So then, What does it mean to trust?

There’s an old Chinese proverb:  Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.

This saying captures what it really means to trust.

Trusting means paying attention and observing what is there.  People are creatures of patterns, programs and habits.  They will show you who they are and what they do over and over.

Genuine trust is trusting that person to be true to their habits and patterns, to expect them to repeat what they have already done.  Then processing this and asking yourself, "Does this work for me?"

If I had done this with Steve, I would have realized that he was going to continue to break his word, over promise and do poor quality work.  Then if I had asked myself if this works for me, the answer would have been "OF COURSE NOT!" and I would have fired him.

(Boy I wish I could have a do-over on that project!)

This is also true for self-trust.  We should expect ourselves, we should trust ourselves, to be true to our own patterns, programming and habits.

If you procrastinated today, you should trust yourself to procrastinate tomorrow.  Then instead of beating yourself up because you are a "bad person who procrastinates", you end up just dealing with reality - "Oh, I’m being true to my patterns and am procrastinating again."

Ironically, dealing with what is makes it easier to change because it removes pressure.

Life gets easier when we deal with reality, when we deal with what is, and then make decisions based on that.  Trust others and yourself to be true to patterns, programs and habits and your life will get easier.

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How Do You Think About Yourself?

The way that you think about yourself has everything to do with the way your life is turning out.

Maxwell Maltz was a very famous plastic surgeon.  (He also wrote Psycho Cybernetics.)  He discovered something very interesting.  What he discovered is that he would do the same procedure on two different people and create very different results.

Let’s imagine that two people went to see Maltz because their noses had gotten crushed and deformed.  Because of this blemish, they had become self conscious and shy.  After the surgery one’s life was totally changed.  He became social, outgoing and confident.  For the other, nothing really changed.  In fact oftentimes this person couldn’t even tell that he looked different.  Friends and family could see the difference but he couldn’t see it in himself.

Maltz realized that there is a self image inside our heads - who we think we are.  This self image runs our lives.

If we change the outside but do not change the inside, the self image, nothing really changes.

I had a very insightful weekend regarding my own self image.

I think of myself as a laborer rather than a business owner.  This is a problem!  This is contradictory to what I want to create in my life.

I’ve been an entrepreneur pretty much my whole life but I have never thought of myself as such.

In high school and college I had a lawn mowing business.  I made way more money then my peers who had summer jobs.  But I never thought of myself as a business owner.  It never occurred to me to get even more customers and then hire some labor and make money off of their efforts.  Instead, my mindset was that if I want to make more money, I just need to work more.

Well, 20 years later I’m still doing that.  I still think of myself as a laborer.  Now that I am aware of this, I see it all over my life.

On my recent fishing trip to Alaska, I was a laborer.  If I saw something that needed to get done - I did it - get the boat ready, rig up fishing poles, haul salmon, vac-pac salmon and so on.  (I am a very good laborer).

If my self image was of a business owner, an entrepreneur, I would have seen that these things needed to be done and then would have made sure that they got done with me doing the doing as a last resort.

The good news is that:  You can change your self image!

Contrary to popular opinion, you can change your self image and changing it can be a quick, easy and painless process.

I have an appointment with myself this afternoon to do some work on changing my self image from laborer to business owner/entrepreneur.

Take a look at how you think about yourself.  If that thinking is not consistent with what you want to create in your life, then it’s time for a self image upgrade.

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Jekyll and Hyde

Have you ever had a Jekyll and Hyde experience?

If you are living human the answer to this is - Of Course!

A Jekyll and Hyde experience is when you have a plan or course of action that you know would be good for you and would support you and then you go and do something completely different, something that is not good for you and does not support you.

Dr. Jekyll makes a plan and then Mr. Hyde takes over and things go to heck.  This is when you usually say something like:  What the “bleep” just happened?  Or, you start asking why:  Why did I do that?  Why didn’t I do that?  And so on.

Jekyll says, ” I ought to exercise, I’ll go for a run.”  Then Hyde takes over and 3 beers later Jekyll is wondering why he didn’t go for the run and why he drank those beers.

Jekyll has a plan to call clients this afternoon and follow up with them.  Hyde takes over, the afternoon is wasted and no calls are made.  Jekyll wonders what the bleep happened and where did the afternoon go.

Jekyll is often frustrated because he has good intentions and knows that these things would be very valuable and beneficial - but they do not happen.

Jekyll is your conscious mind.  Hyde is your non-conscious mind.  Whenever these two are not in alignment, Jekyll ends up frustrated and Hyde ends up running the show.

You have tried to fight Hyde so you know from personal experience that this does not work.  Hyde is just too strong he overwhelms you and takes over.

So, what to do?

It’s not about Jekyll becoming stronger or having more willpower.  Hyde simply takes over and that is the end of Jekyll’s plans.

You need to explore what is going on beneath the surface.  You need to discover what is that button that is getting pushed that has Hyde surface and take over thus thwarting your good intentions.

Then you need to reprogram that button so that Hyde stays hidden, so that Hyde does not need to come to the surface to ruin the day.

One way to reprogram the button is to inquire into:  what is my fear, what is my resistance here that brings out Hyde?  Once you have identified this then you can recontextualize and reframe the situation which, will give you different access to it.

A client of mine had a really hard time asking for sales.  When it came time to ask for the sale, Hyde would appear and consequently she wouldn’t ask for the sale.  We did some recontextualizing and reframing.  She saw that her job was to inspire people and that asking for the sale was really asking if the prospect wanted to get inspired.  For her this was a very different question and it kept Hyde dormant.

If you are not sure what the button is, what triggers Hyde to show up feel free to contact me for a complimentary Business Mindset Analysis.

In the Business Mindset analysis we will spend 15 minutes and take a look at what is the invisible brick wall that you keep bumping into that keeps you from succeeding.  We will look at what is it that makes Hyde appear.

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A Walk With Money

Money!  That’s a topic that is seldom far from people’s minds.

How do I get more of it?

How do I get my money to work for me?

How do I make myself attractive to money?

Your relationship with money, whether good or bad, whether fulfilling or unfulfilling, is primarily determined by what is going on beneath the surface in your non-conscious.

Here is an easy exercise to get a sense of your non-conscious relationship to money.  Once you know the status of that relationship then you can take steps to improve it.

Imagine that you are walking along a path in the park and that money is also walking in the park.

Where is money walking?  Is it even on the same path as you are on?  If it is on your path, is it walking the same direction you are?  If money is walking the same direction as you are, is there connect between you two or even some intimacy?

The Goal

Our end goal is to have you and money walking down the path together, hand in hand - close, connected and intimate.

This visual exercise is something that you want to work with over time and start to change, modify and move towards the end goal.

The Steps

#1 You have to start where you are.  If you and money are on different paths then that is where you start.  If you and money are on the same path but ignoring each other then that is where you start.

#2 Start taking small steps to change the situation.  If you and money are on different paths, invite money to come walk on your path or go walk on money’s path.  If you and money are ignoring each other, start to  <!– /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} h1 {margin-right:0in; mso-margin-top-alt:auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; margin-left:0in; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; mso-outline-level:1; font-size:24.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning:18.0pt; font-weight:bold;} h3 {margin-right:0in; mso-margin-top-alt:auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; margin-left:0in; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; mso-outline-level:3; font-size:13.5pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; font-weight:bold;} p {margin-right:0in; mso-margin-top-alt:auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; margin-left:0in; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} –> surreptitiously flirt with money.

#3 Be patient, take your time, take small steps.  You wouldn’t get off your path, cross the park and get on another path to give an attractive complete stranger an exuberant bear hug.  Hopefully you would be a little bit cooler and smoother about this.  Make small changes.

As you do these things, you are building a relationship with money and a stronger connection to money.  The ripples of this can be profound.

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Trust . . . What Does It Really Mean

Trust is a concept that seems to create quite a bit of confusion.

I often see this with my clients.  They have non-conscious programming that it is not okay to trust others, that it is not safe to trust others, or that they are not able to trust others.

This non-conscious programming gets in their way because -  All good things come to us from others!  If you cannot trust others, you make it much more difficult for that "good" to come into your life.

The issue is that people don’t understand what trust means.  You can trust and also take care of yourself at the same time.

Trust is not some sort of eyes closed, blind faith, Pollyanna sort of thing.  "I trust that he or she is inherently good and will treat me right."

Real trust requires that you be awake and observant and that you see who people are and what they do.  Trust then is trusting them to be true to themselves, to be true to their patterns.

There’s an old Chinese proverb that speaks to this:  Fool me once shame on you.  Fool me twice shame on me.

We are creatures of habit and pattern.  We do the same things over and over and over.  Once someone shows you what he or she does, you should expect them to (you should trust them to) do that again.  Whether it is something positive or negative, something you like or dislike, they will do it again.

If we have a meeting and I am 10 minutes late you should not be surprised if I am late for our next meeting.  If I’m late for the second meeting you definitely should not be surprised that I am late for the third meeting.  I have showed you my pattern and you should trust me to be true to that pattern.

Trust needs to then be balanced with acting in your own best interest and with your own boundaries.  You can trust me to be late to meetings but if that does not work for you then you should not be doing business with me.

Many years ago we bought a house to fix and flip.  Our contractor showed us his patterns repeatedly.  He over promised, under delivered, and his word met nothing.

Unfortunately for our bank account, I was in eyes closed, not dealing with reality, Pollyanna trust.  I kept thinking - he’s a good guy; he will take care of us because that is what I would do.  I was not dealing with reality.  If I was I would have fired him and got someone in who would have got the job done right.

He had repeatedly shown us who he is and what he’s going to do and instead of trusting him to continue to be who he is, I was off in fantasy land.  There was a huge cost to this - financially, peace of mind, stress and frustration.

Real trust then has you have your eyes wide open - dealing with what is really there - and then taking the appropriate steps to act in your own best interest.

Why Am I Not Getting What I Want?

You know about the Law of Attraction. You know how to work with the Law of Attraction and are diligently doing so. You are doing all the right things. Yet, you do not seem to be getting what you want. Why? What is going on?

If this is the case, one of four different factors is in play or possibly a combination of them.

These four factors are:

• Focusing on what you do not want
• The Law of Timing
• Not really wanting what you think you want
• Non-conscious programming

Focusing on what you do not want

We have an amazing capacity to focus on what we do not want. This causes problems because the basis of the Law of Attraction is that we attract into our lives whatever we focus on - whether wanted or unwanted.

Check it out for yourself. Just listen to people. Over and over and over they talk about what they do not want. “I don’t want to struggle anymore.” “I don’t want to be in debt.” “I don’t want to fight with my spouse anymore.” And so on.

Even if you know what you want, you could be focusing on what you do not want.

Take a look at your focus. What are you focusing on? Are you primarily focusing on what you want or on what you do not want?

If you are doing the latter, switch your focus to what you want. For more information on this see “The U-Turn” under the blog tab at JonathanManske.com

The Law of Timing

The Law of Attraction is a universal law. It affects everyone. Another universal law is the Law of Timing. Day follows night. The seasons change. The tide comes in and then goes out. Babies grow for nine months inside their mothers before entering the world.

Would you plant a corn seed today and expect to eat corn on the cob tomorrow? What about next week? How about in a couple of months?

Sometimes you just need to trust and be patient. You also need to keep on taking the right actions and continue focusing on what you want.

Not really wanting what you think you want

I often see this with my clients. On one level they want one thing but on another deeper level (that they are not aware of) they want something different. This puts them in conflict with themselves.

Ask yourself, “Is this what I really want?” and then sit with the question. Let it simmer and sink in deeper. “Is this what I really want?”

Pay attention to your body. Does what you want feel “right”? If not, there is something deeper so keep exploring.

Non-conscious programming

If you are not getting what you want, chances are very good that you have some non-conscious programming that is in your way.

Science has proven that 97% of what goes on inside your head is non-conscious programming. It is automatic, habitual and repetitive. Some of this programming supports you and some of it does not.

If you have a conscious desire that is in opposition to your non-conscious programming, it will be very difficult to achieve your desire if you achieve it at all.

That is why it is so important to know how to first identify and then change limiting non-conscious programming.

If you send an email to contact me, I will send you my article, “How to Change Your Non-Conscious Programming”.

If you want someone to assist you, I recommend: NLP, PSYCH-K, Hypnosis and one-on-one work with me.

Coming of Age

• Do you ever wonder if your best is good enough?
• Do you worry that “they” will discover that you don’t quite measure up or even that you are a fraud?
• Do you have a difficult time accepting and appreciating your successes?

If you answered “yes” to any of these, you are not alone. Most people have some degree of self-doubt and insecurity, which gets in the way of truly enjoying your life and career.

A major contributor to these dis-empowering thoughts is the lack of coming-of-age rituals in our modern society. If you have not been confirmed as a real man or real woman by family, tribe or society and subsequently initiated into that world, then how can you know that you are indeed a real man or woman? In the absence of knowing your place in the community of men or in the community of women, it is natural to doubt yourself.

The good news is: you can transform your self-doubt into belonging. Here is how:

• Take a moment to get relaxed and quiet.
• Close your eyes and put both hands over your heart.
• Speak out loud, “I see and accept you as a man among men!” or “I see and accept you as a woman among women!”
• Keep repeating this until you feel a change within you (probably a minute or two).
• Do this daily for 7 days.

When you say, “I see you”, imagine the voice of your spirit, the voice of God, or the collective voice of your ancestors. Experiment and see which “voice” is the strongest or mix it up.

Until we talk again:

Know that I see you as a real man in the community of men.

Know that I see you as a real woman in the community of women.

Wishing you great joy and success in your life!

Jonathan