What others are saying about you says more about them than it does about you.

Although this sounds good in theory, it often breaks down in practice.  We have all been hurt by words.

A friend of mine recently delivered a program to fifty people.  Forty nine of the evaluations were very positive. One evaluation was critical.  Guess which one my friend focused on?  Not surprisingly, the critical words hurt.

Undoubtedly you have done this same thing, focused on a minority negative opinion.  Consequently you have been hurt by words.

What we often forget is that the words that come out of a person’s mouth, say a lot about them.  Who are they being and thinking that they see the world that way?

I can look out my window right now and say, “Wow, it looks like a wonderful day.”  I can also say, ” Uhhmm, it looks cold out.”  It is the same day!

These two different mindsets/perspectives will create two very different starts to my day.  The first fills me with optimism and good feelings.  The second fills me with wanting to go back to bed.

These two sentences also comment on the state of my being.  I’m either being optimistic or pessimistic.

Back to my friend:  I invited him to consider what the negative review said about the person who gave that review.  Who was the reviewer being that she would see the world that way?  What was going on in her that she would say the things she did?

My friend got it.  That review didn’t have anything to do with him and yet he was taking it personally.   (Now obviously this would be different if the majority of the reviews were negative.  Then he should take a look at himself.)  All of a sudden the words did not hurt anymore.

Action steps

Whenever you experience being hurt by words, stop and ask yourself, ” Is this saying something about me or about them?”

If it is saying something about them, why would you take it personally?

Chances are that if you see it is saying something about them, you will move into compassion rather than hurt.

Wishing you great joy and success!

Jonathan Manske