Fear of Spiders

I’ve cured my daughter of her fear of spiders 3 times now. She stays cured for a while (a couple of years one time). Then she spends some time with a friend with a spider phobia (based on a small sample size, this seems to be a very common phobia with my daughter’s friends) and decides that she would rather share that world view rather than hang on to the spider-phobia-free world view that she had. Presto! Instant fear of spiders.

Two lessons jump out at me (spiderish pun intended).

#1 A reminder that it is impossible to be responsible for another person. I did good work with Sabine but the outcome is out of my hands. I can take out the head trash but she can re-import it.

The first time we did this, she was totally scared of spiders. 10 minutes later we found a spider in the yard and she put her hand 1 inch away from the spider and was completely okay. This lasted for several years until a friend sold her on a different idea. The fact that it didn’t last isn’t a reflection on the work I did. It is a reflection on the choice she made. Joining the drama club was more important to her than peace of mind.

#2 People are always selling ideas and world views to us. Just because they are selling does not mean we have to buy. Be careful what you buy. Is it useful to you or is it damaging? Does it increase your happiness or your suffering?

And a question to ponder: where have you thrown away your growth and gone back to your old drama? I’ve done this a few times over the years with making phone calls. I got into the groove of making calls and created some new very useful behavior patterns and then I relapsed into my old tired story about not liking to make calls.

Much Love,

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photo credit: As seen yesterday at the office, someone opened the jar via photopin (license)