Coach gets his buttons pushed and pushes back

I’ve been thinking all day about a facebook thread I read this morning. It is a great case study.

The volleyball coach made a substitution. The substitute promptly served into the net. The player who had been subbed for said, “seriously” and the coach heard her. She apologized to the coach but after the match the coach said that he needed her to know that one of the reasons he made a substitution was that her passing just “sucked” and he felt so and so was better.

This lead to the parent asking, “Is there ever a time where it’s ok to say you suck?”

So many things to address here:

#1 Compassion, grace and forgiveness – In my opinion, there is no place for that in coaching. However, the coach is a human and we don’t know what is going on with him or why this incident pushed his buttons so strongly.

There’s a saying – those who live in glass houses should not throw stones. In the Bible, a mob was about to stone a woman for crimes she committed. Jesus said that those in the crowd who had not committed any sins should throw the first stone. That was the end of the mob.

So, even though I certainly do not condone his behavior, can I have grace and compassion for the coach? I’ve certainly said and done some things that I would do differently if I got a do over. I’ve spoken to my daughters angrily and critically even though I love them beyond belief. Why? Because I got my buttons pushed. Because I’m human.

#2 Victimhood – Viktor Frankl (Man’s Search for Meaning) tells us that circumstances outside our control are going to impact us. But, we get to choose how we respond and we can choose responses that either cause us to flourish or to perish (mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, financially, relationship-ally, etc.)

Right now they seem to be victims to the coach’s behavior which dictates that they must respond in a hurt and upset way. There are other options.

#3 Out there ~ in here – When something out there causes a response in here then the best thing for me to do is to stop looking out there and start looking at myself. Why did my buttons get pushed by that? What must I believe about myself? What do I need to let go of?

Our buttons are our path to growth. Every time that our buttons get pressed, that is life showing us where we are embracing our limitations and defending our insecurities. Once we see that, then we can do something about it.

Much Love,

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