An anorexic person can look at you or me and make an accurate assessment about our size. But when they look at themselves, they are no longer seeing with their eyes. They are seeing with their mental construct of themselves, their self-image. And, that mental construct says that they are huge. This then drives their behavior.

That may sound crazy, but we all do this somewhere in our lives. We have this self-image of ourselves that in some areas is very harsh and judgmental.

The other day, I pointed out to a friend how good he looked. He looked lighter, happier, brighter, more vibrant, and more playful. Other people agreed with my assessment. But when he looked at himself, he couldn’t see how different he looked. He wasn’t seeing with his eyes. He was seeing with his judgments of himself. So instead of feeling good about himself, he ended up feeling bad about himself because he believed his judgments rather than our observations.

It is useful to get curious about where in our lives we are not seeing ourselves accurately and are instead seeing ourselves through the filter of our harsh judgments. Once we see where we are doing this, then we can start to shift it.

Jonathan