Emotions mean that something is important to us.
By simply getting curious about “what here is important to me” when we are experiencing a negative emotion, we can already begin to diffuse a negative emotion. We move out of reactive consciousness and into witness or observer consciousness.
We can then also learn about ourselves and where we get to grow.
For example: Somebody does something and I get angry. My anger means that something here is important to me. So, I ask myself, “What’s important here?” I then realize that I’m angry because I don’t feel valued or respected.
Now I am clear that it is important to me to feel valued and respected.
The next step is to realize that external things cannot push our buttons if there isn’t something going on inside of us. So now I need to ask myself, “How much do I value and respect myself?” And if I’m honest with myself, I’ll see that there is a deficiency here. (If I fully valued and respected myself, I wouldn’t care whether another person valued or respected me. But since I do care, I obviously don’t fully value and respect myself.)
So, the solution now is not about getting the other person to behave differently (something I have no control over) but in changing how I relate to myself. I need to go to the personal growth gym and do some work on valuing and respecting myself.
When we do this, life becomes our ally ~ supporting us to learn and to grow, and to become the best possible person we can be.
When we don’t do this, life becomes a problem and we get to suffer without being able to do anything about it.
Much Love,
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