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What others are saying about you says more about them than it does about you.

by Jonathan
February 10th, 2009

What others are saying about you says more about them than it does about you.

“Sticks and stones may break my bones
but words will never hurt me.”

 

Although this sounds good in theory, it often breaks down in practice.  We have all been hurt by words.

A friend of mine recently delivered a program to fifty people.  Forty nine of the evaluations were very positive. One evaluation was critical.  Guess which one my friend focused on?  Not surprisingly, the critical words hurt.

Undoubtedly you have done this same thing, focused on a minority negative opinion.  Consequently you have been hurt by words.

What we often forget is that the words that come out of a person’s mouth, say a lot about them.  Who are they being and thinking that they see the world that way?

I can look out my window right now and say, “Wow, it looks like a wonderful day.”  I can also say, ” Uhhmm, it looks cold out.”  It is the same day!

These two different mindsets/perspectives will create two very different starts to my day.  The first fills me with optimism and good feelings.  The second fills me with wanting to go back to bed.

These two sentences also comment on the state of my being.  I’m either being optimistic or pessimistic.

Back to my friend:  I invited him to consider what the negative review said about the person who gave that review.  Who was the reviewer being that she would see the world that way?  What was going on in her that she would say the things she did?

My friend got it.  That review didn’t have anything to do with him and yet he was taking it personally.   (Now obviously this would be different if the majority of the reviews were negative.  Then he should take a look at himself.)  All of a sudden the words did not hurt anymore.

Action steps

Whenever you experience being hurt by words, stop and ask yourself, ” Is this saying something about me or about them?”

If it is saying something about them, why would you take it personally?

Chances are that if you see it is saying something about them, you will move into compassion rather than hurt.

Wishing you great joy and success!

 

Jonathan Manske

 

 

Categories Mindset and Attitude
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Mirror Mirror on the Wall

by Jonathan
October 1st, 2008

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Mirror Mirror on the Wall

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You have an image of yourself inside your head, your Self Image .

This image acts as the ultimate instruction manual for your life.  It provides the rules of operation by which you live.

Your thoughts, behaviors and actions are all consistent with your self image.

Now here’s the thing:  some of your self image is beneficial and supports you to have a great life and some of your self image is not beneficial and causes you to suffer.  And almost all of your self image got created by accident.  It was influenced by parents, teachers, friends, society, culture, religion, role models, and your experiences.

For example:  If your self image includes being a successful business person that would probably make your life better.  If your self image includes being an inept business person that would probably make you suffer.

The good news is that you can change parts of your self image and in so doing you can improve your life.

Here’s an easy way to change your self image:

First of all, you need to get a sense of your current self image.

#1  Pick an area of your life that you are looking to improve.  As an example, let’s use money (or fitness).

#2  Imagine that you enter a big room and in the room are four groups of people.

In one corner are people earning minimum wage and entry level type salaries.  (Overweight non-exercisers)

In the second corner are working people who earn $40-80K a year.  (A little chubby, occasional exercisers)

In the third corner are business owners and managers who make $100-250K a year.  (Fit, exercise daily)

And in the fourth corner are executives, top sales people and CEO’s who make over $250k a year.  (Marathon runners etc.)

#3  In which of these four groups would you feel most comfortable, most at home?  (Stick with reality here – not which group would you most like to be in but rather which one would be most natural, familiar and comfortable.)

That is your current self image.

#4  Imagine that you are a shorts and t-shirt type of person and that you dressed up in formal evening wear, a tuxedo or cocktail dress.  When you look in the mirror, it might take a moment to recognize yourself and then you would say, "oh yeah, that’s me."

#5  You want to use this idea, "Oh yeah, that’s me" to change your self image.

Create an image that is an upgrade of your current image.  Then keep reminding yourself, "Oh yeah, that’s me!"

It only takes a couple of seconds to do this:  "Oh yeah, that’s me – the successful business person!"  "Oh yeah, that’s me – the daily exerciser!"

When you keep reminding yourself of this, you begin to change that self image and when you do that, your life changes!

Mirror Mirror on the wall, who’s that successful ________ I see?  Oh yeah, that’s me!

Categories Law of Attraction, Mindset and Attitude, Non-Conscious Programming
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Mr. Eat, Pray, Love

by Jonathan
September 16th, 2008

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Mr. Eat, Pray, Love

Dave Bravdica’s friends often refer to him as Mr. Eat, Pray Love.

(This is in reference to the book Eat, Pray, Love written by Elizabeth Gilbert.  Her book was #1 on the NYT Paperback Nonfiction List for over a year!)

Dave has a great story.  He got clear about what he wanted and then took the courageous steps to make that happen.

When I first met Dave, he was working for a company that was very hierarchical and old school in philosophy.

This was a terrible fit for Dave and it showed.  He looked worn out, stressed out, uninspired and his self confidence was circling down the drain.

His biggest challenge was the "golden handcuffs".  He couldn’t imagine that he would ever be able to replace his income while doing something that he enjoyed.  He had a lot of head trash around this issue.

Dave spent a while having a tug of war with himself:  I should do something different – I cannot do something different and make money.  This only further depleted his vitality.

Finally on his birthday, Dave said to himself, "I either need to do something different or resign myself to the way things are now.

He decided to do something different.

He quit his job and enrolled in chef’s school.  After chef’s school he went to Italy to learn more.

Dave believes that in order to understand the food you need to understand where it comes from and the people.  To this end, he spent time working in a winery, a cheese farm and a cured meats farm.  He really immersed himself in Italian culture.

Now he’s back in Denver and has opened his own catering business, Flavor Cater, and is also teaching at the chef’s school.

I recently saw Dave and was delighted to see how good he looked.  He looks so much more happy and full of vitality.  He’s excited and optimistic about the future.  And, he is doing what he loves.

Dave is all about food and wine and how they can bring people together.

We can all learn something from Dave’s story.

We have all done what Dave did when he got trapped in an either/or perspective.  (Either I can stay here and be miserable or I can do something different and make much less money.)  In Dave’s mind those were the only two possibilities.

Here’s an analogy: There are two kinds of light switches, on/off and dimmer.  With on/off you only have two options.  With a dimmer switch you have a wide range of options.

Whenever we seem stuck or trapped, we are doing the on/off switch.  When we change our perspective and start to see more possibilities (dimmer switch) the sense of being stuck or trapped tends to disappear.

Dave will be my guest this week on The Inevitable Success Radio Show

You can tune in to that show on Thursday September 18th at 1:00 Mountain Time at www.realcoachingradio.com.

The show will also be archived if you want to listen at a later time.  archive link

Categories Law of Attraction, Mindset and Attitude, Non-Conscious Programming
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Keep Moving Forward

by Jonathan
September 11th, 2008

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Keep On Moving Forward

This spring I went on an adventure.  As it turns out, my adventure is a pretty good recipe for success.

My motto during the adventure was "Keep Moving Forward!"

Four friends and I decided to ride the Kokopelli Trail.  This is a mountain bike trail that runs from Fruita Colorado to Moab Utah.  It is 150 miles of very tough riding.

Going into the ride, I had concerns about my ability to complete this ride.  Simply put, I had not prepared enough.  The longest training ride I had done was 20 miles and I was exhausted after that.  Now I needed to do three 50 mile days in a row.

I decided that as long as I kept moving forward I would be all right.

I kept this idea, Keep Moving Forward, in mind throughout the ride.

When I came to really steep sections of the trail, I got off my bike and walked.  I have the ability to ride those sections but the energy it would have cost me was too much.  As long as I was walking, I was still moving forward.

My goal was to complete the ride and if walking 50 yards here and there helped me to complete that goal then I was fine with that.  In fact, there are numerous mandatory hike-a -bike sections on the trail that nobody can ride.  I just had a few more hike-a-bikes.

This strategy served me well.  I kept moving forward and I completed my goal.

Other elements were necessary in order for me to keep moving forward and achieve my goal.  (Do you have these elements in place to support you to keep on moving forward?)

Support:
Jason’s dad drove sag.  He met us about every 20 miles with food, water, tools to fix our bikes and our camping gear.  Without him, we wouldn’t have been able to complete the ride.

We also had the support of each other and of friendship.  This helped immensely.  (What’s your support?)

Rest and Recovery:
Part of moving forward is taking breaks where you are not moving forward.  Without stopping to rest, eat and sleep we wouldn’t have succeeded.  In the face of stress and effort, we still needed to take care of ourselves.  (How do you rest and recover?)

Snacks:
I ate a lot of powerbars and other energy snacks on the trail.  Whenever I would start to feel tired, I would put some more fuel in my tank which would allow me to keep moving forward.  Without these snacks, I would not have succeeded.  (What are the "snacks" that put fuel in your tank?)

The Right Equipment:
Obviously the right equipment was an important part of being able to complete the ride.  A road bike would have been destroyed 5 miles into the ride.  This is a serious mountain bike trail.

I also needed my pump and a spare tube.

My camelback carries 120 oz of water, has storage for tools, food and extra layers of clothes.  (Do you have the right equipment?)

Trail Map:
All of the other things I have mentioned would have been useless without a plan of where we were going and a map to guide us.  (Do you have a map and a plan?)

Remember, your success is a long journey.  As long as you Keep Moving Forward , you constantly move closer to achieving your goal.

Categories Law of Attraction, Mindset and Attitude
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Losing Weight – a bad idea

by Jonathan
June 25th, 2008

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Losing Weight – a bad idea

Yesterday I overheard someone mention that they needed to lose weight.

There is a big problem with this kind of thinking.

What is the very first thing you do when you lose something?  – You try and find whatever it was that you lost. You will tear up the whole house looking for what you have lost.  As soon as it is lost, it becomes something important, something you must have back.  You will look and look.  Even if you give up on looking for what you lost, you will wonder about it, "Where did it go?"

So, why would you want to lose weight?  You are just asking to get it back!

How you talk to yourself and the way you talk to yourself really does matter.  It really does make a difference.

If you are talking about losing weight, you are sabotaging yourself.

When you talk about losing weight, you are also focusing on what you do not want rather then on what you do want. You get what you focus on.

What you want is to be healthy and at your perfect weight.  Focus on that instead.

Categories Law of Attraction, Mindset and Attitude
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Jekyll and Hyde

by Jonathan
June 24th, 2008

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Jekyll and Hyde

Have you ever had a Jekyll and Hyde experience?

If you are living human the answer to this is – Of Course!

A Jekyll and Hyde experience is when you have a plan or course of action that you know would be good for you and would support you and then you go and do something completely different, something that is not good for you and does not support you.

Dr. Jekyll makes a plan and then Mr. Hyde takes over and things go to heck.  This is when you usually say something like:  What the “bleep” just happened?  Or, you start asking why:  Why did I do that?  Why didn’t I do that?  And so on.

Jekyll says, ” I ought to exercise, I’ll go for a run.”  Then Hyde takes over and 3 beers later Jekyll is wondering why he didn’t go for the run and why he drank those beers.

Jekyll has a plan to call clients this afternoon and follow up with them.  Hyde takes over, the afternoon is wasted and no calls are made.  Jekyll wonders what the bleep happened and where did the afternoon go.

Jekyll is often frustrated because he has good intentions and knows that these things would be very valuable and beneficial – but they do not happen.

Jekyll is your conscious mind.  Hyde is your non-conscious mind.  Whenever these two are not in alignment, Jekyll ends up frustrated and Hyde ends up running the show.

You have tried to fight Hyde so you know from personal experience that this does not work.  Hyde is just too strong he overwhelms you and takes over.

So, what to do?

It’s not about Jekyll becoming stronger or having more willpower.  Hyde simply takes over and that is the end of Jekyll’s plans.

You need to explore what is going on beneath the surface.  You need to discover what is that button that is getting pushed that has Hyde surface and take over thus thwarting your good intentions.

Then you need to reprogram that button so that Hyde stays hidden, so that Hyde does not need to come to the surface to ruin the day.

One way to reprogram the button is to inquire into:  what is my fear, what is my resistance here that brings out Hyde?  Once you have identified this then you can recontextualize and reframe the situation which, will give you different access to it.

A client of mine had a really hard time asking for sales.  When it came time to ask for the sale, Hyde would appear and consequently she wouldn’t ask for the sale.  We did some recontextualizing and reframing.  She saw that her job was to inspire people and that asking for the sale was really asking if the prospect wanted to get inspired.  For her this was a very different question and it kept Hyde dormant.

If you are not sure what the button is, what triggers Hyde to show up feel free to contact me for a complimentary Business Mindset Analysis.

In the Business Mindset analysis we will spend 15 minutes and take a look at what is the invisible brick wall that you keep bumping into that keeps you from succeeding.  We will look at what is it that makes Hyde appear.

Categories Law of Attraction, Mindset and Attitude, Non-Conscious Programming
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A Walk With Money

by Jonathan
June 17th, 2008

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A Walk With Money

Money!  That’s a topic that is seldom far from people’s minds.

How do I get more of it?

How do I get my money to work for me?

How do I make myself attractive to money?

Your relationship with money, whether good or bad, whether fulfilling or unfulfilling, is primarily determined by what is going on beneath the surface in your non-conscious.

Here is an easy exercise to get a sense of your non-conscious relationship to money.  Once you know the status of that relationship then you can take steps to improve it.

Imagine that you are walking along a path in the park and that money is also walking in the park.

Where is money walking?  Is it even on the same path as you are on?  If it is on your path, is it walking the same direction you are?  If money is walking the same direction as you are, is there connect between you two or even some intimacy?

The Goal

Our end goal is to have you and money walking down the path together, hand in hand – close, connected and intimate.

This visual exercise is something that you want to work with over time and start to change, modify and move towards the end goal.

The Steps

#1 You have to start where you are.  If you and money are on different paths then that is where you start.  If you and money are on the same path but ignoring each other then that is where you start.

#2 Start taking small steps to change the situation.  If you and money are on different paths, invite money to come walk on your path or go walk on money’s path.  If you and money are ignoring each other, start to  <!– /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} h1 {margin-right:0in; mso-margin-top-alt:auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; margin-left:0in; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; mso-outline-level:1; font-size:24.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning:18.0pt; font-weight:bold;} h3 {margin-right:0in; mso-margin-top-alt:auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; margin-left:0in; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; mso-outline-level:3; font-size:13.5pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; font-weight:bold;} p {margin-right:0in; mso-margin-top-alt:auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; margin-left:0in; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} –> surreptitiously flirt with money.

#3 Be patient, take your time, take small steps.  You wouldn’t get off your path, cross the park and get on another path to give an attractive complete stranger an exuberant bear hug.  Hopefully you would be a little bit cooler and smoother about this.  Make small changes.

As you do these things, you are building a relationship with money and a stronger connection to money.  The ripples of this can be profound.

Categories Law of Attraction, Mindset and Attitude, Non-Conscious Programming
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Trust . . . What Does It Really Mean?

by Jonathan
June 17th, 2008

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Trust . . . What Does It Really Mean

Trust is a concept that seems to create quite a bit of confusion.

I often see this with my clients.  They have non-conscious programming that it is not okay to trust others, that it is not safe to trust others, or that they are not able to trust others.

This non-conscious programming gets in their way because -  All good things come to us from others!  If you cannot trust others, you make it much more difficult for that "good" to come into your life.

The issue is that people don’t understand what trust means.  You can trust and also take care of yourself at the same time.

Trust is not some sort of eyes closed, blind faith, Pollyanna sort of thing.  "I trust that he or she is inherently good and will treat me right."

Real trust requires that you be awake and observant and that you see who people are and what they do.  Trust then is trusting them to be true to themselves, to be true to their patterns.

There’s an old Chinese proverb that speaks to this:  Fool me once shame on you.  Fool me twice shame on me.

We are creatures of habit and pattern.  We do the same things over and over and over.  Once someone shows you what he or she does, you should expect them to (you should trust them to) do that again.  Whether it is something positive or negative, something you like or dislike, they will do it again.

If we have a meeting and I am 10 minutes late you should not be surprised if I am late for our next meeting.  If I’m late for the second meeting you definitely should not be surprised that I am late for the third meeting.  I have showed you my pattern and you should trust me to be true to that pattern.

Trust needs to then be balanced with acting in your own best interest and with your own boundaries.  You can trust me to be late to meetings but if that does not work for you then you should not be doing business with me.

Many years ago we bought a house to fix and flip.  Our contractor showed us his patterns repeatedly.  He over promised, under delivered, and his word met nothing.

Unfortunately for our bank account, I was in eyes closed, not dealing with reality, Pollyanna trust.  I kept thinking – he’s a good guy; he will take care of us because that is what I would do.  I was not dealing with reality.  If I was I would have fired him and got someone in who would have got the job done right.

He had repeatedly shown us who he is and what he’s going to do and instead of trusting him to continue to be who he is, I was off in fantasy land.  There was a huge cost to this – financially, peace of mind, stress and frustration.

Real trust then has you have your eyes wide open – dealing with what is really there – and then taking the appropriate steps to act in your own best interest.

Categories Mindset and Attitude, Non-Conscious Programming
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Why Am I Not Getting What I Want?

by Jonathan
May 8th, 2008


Why Am I Not Getting What I Want?

You know about the Law of Attraction. You know how to work with the Law of Attraction and are diligently doing so. You are doing all the right things. Yet, you do not seem to be getting what you want. Why? What is going on?

If this is the case, one of four different factors is in play or possibly a combination of them.

These four factors are:

  • Focusing on what you do not want
  • The Law of Timing
  • Not really wanting what you think you want
  • Non-conscious programming

Focusing on what you do not want

We have an amazing capacity to focus on what we do not want. This causes problems because the basis of the Law of Attraction is that we attract into our lives whatever we focus on – whether wanted or unwanted.

Check it out for yourself. Just listen to people. Over and over and over they talk about what they do not want. “I don’t want to struggle anymore.” “I don’t want to be in debt.” “I don’t want to fight with my spouse anymore.” And so on.

Even if you know what you want, you could be focusing on what you do not want.

Take a look at your focus. What are you focusing on? Are you primarily focusing on what you want or on what you do not want?

If you are doing the latter, switch your focus to what you want. For more information on this see “The U-Turn” under the blog tab at JonathanManske.com

The Law of Timing

The Law of Attraction is a universal law. It affects everyone. Another universal law is the Law of Timing. Day follows night. The seasons change. The tide comes in and then goes out. Babies grow for nine months inside their mothers before entering the world.

Would you plant a corn seed today and expect to eat corn on the cob tomorrow? What about next week? How about in a couple of months?

Sometimes you just need to trust and be patient. You also need to keep on taking the right actions and continue focusing on what you want.

Not really wanting what you think you want

I often see this with my clients. On one level they want one thing but on another deeper level (that they are not aware of) they want something different. This puts them in conflict with themselves.

Ask yourself, “Is this what I really want?” and then sit with the question. Let it simmer and sink in deeper. “Is this what I really want?”

Pay attention to your body. Does what you want feel “right”? If not, there is something deeper so keep exploring.

Non-conscious programming

If you are not getting what you want, chances are very good that you have some non-conscious programming that is in your way.

Science has proven that 97% of what goes on inside your head is non-conscious programming. It is automatic, habitual and repetitive. Some of this programming supports you and some of it does not.

If you have a conscious desire that is in opposition to your non-conscious programming, it will be very difficult to achieve your desire if you achieve it at all.

That is why it is so important to know how to first identify and then change limiting non-conscious programming.

If you send an email to contact me, I will send you my article, “How to Change Your Non-Conscious Programming”.

If you want someone to assist you, I recommend: NLP, PSYCH-K, Hypnosis and one-on-one work with me.

Categories Law of Attraction, Mindset and Attitude, Non-Conscious Programming
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