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A Cure for The Shoulds

A Cure for The Shoulds

If you are a breathing human being, there is a very good chance that you have pressured yourself using the words: should, must and/or need to.

There is also a very good chance that you do this on a regular basis.

Every time that you do this, your quality of life takes a hit, your vitality decreases, your resistance increases and you pressure yourself. (The only thing that thrives on pressure is a tire.)

In general, people do not like to be told what to do and any time they are told what to do, there is a flare of resistance. This is true even if it is you telling yourself what to do.

Should, must and need to are very compulsive words that make you lose perspective. As soon as you use these words, you lose options and choice.

Rather than trying to quit “shoulding” which would be hard work since this is an established habit, let’s use this habit strategically.

Every time that you catch yourself using should, must or need to have that be a wake up call. “Oh I’m stuck in a habit here.” Then change that word to “could”. “Could” allows you to explore, to evaluate your options and make a decision that serves you rather than a decision determined by compulsion and pressure.

Then you can choose to do it or to not do it. And, if you choose not to do it there won’t be any guilt.

Wishing you great joy and success,

Jonathan Manske

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2009:  The Year of Living ____________ ?

Rather than a New Year’s Resolution that quickly fades, how about choosing a theme for the entire year? 

For me, 2009 is The Year of Living Boldly!

This is the measuring stick against which I get to measure my plans, actions and decisions for the entire year.  I get to ask myself, “Is this consistent with living boldly?”

What’s your theme for the year?

This idea comes from my friend Dave Bravdica www.flavorcator.com

You can hear Dave talk about this on the archives of Jonathan Manske’s Success Show on www.realcoachingradio.com

Here’s the link to my page http://www.rcrn.info/profile/JonathanManske where you can find that show (9-18-08:  Mr Eat, Pray Love) in “my music” in the left column.

 

Wishing you great joy and success,

 

Jonathan Manske

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What Scrooge Knew About Play

What Scrooge Knew About Play

This quote was provided by Barbara Brannen  http://www.letsplaymore.com

The Ghost of Christmas Past shows Scrooge his ...
Image via Wikipedia

Barbara was my guest today on Jonathan Manske’s Inevitable Success Radio Show.  Our topic was:  How Play Makes You Successful. This fabulous show is archived at www.realcoachingradio.com/node/69

This quote comes from Scrooge when he is with the Ghost of Christmas Past and has a realization about the impact we can have on each other.

“He has the power to render us happy or unhappy; to make our service light or burdensome; a pleasure or a toil.  Say that his power lies in words and looks; in things so slight and insignificant that it is impossible to add and count them up; what then?  The happiness he gives is quite as great as if it cost a fortune.”

Quoted from Scrooge in A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens, 1907

What a great take on leadership – the power to render happy or unhappy – This would apply to leadership at work, at home, in the community . . .

When we play and are playful we contribute to all those around us.

Wishing you great joy and success,

Jonathan Manske

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Heart Centered Leadership on the Inevitable-Success Show – November 13, 2008

Interview with Susan Steinbrecher, Institute of Heart-Centered Leadership

on www.realcoachingradio.com

My guest on today’s show was Susan Steinbrecher, the founder of the Institute of Heart-Centered Leadership and author of Heart Centered Leadership:  An Invitation to Lead from the Inside Out.

Her company, Steinbrecher and Associates, Inc., provides custom-designed training programs, leadership retreats and executive coaching. Susan started this consulting business in the early ‘90s after spending about 14 years in the hospitality industry. However, even with a successful track record, Susan had an obstacle to overcome in starting her own business.  Fear.

For Susan, her rapid rise in the hospitality industry was really the catalyst for her decision to start her own business. Tapping into her early experience as a young manager, she learned how challenging it was to motivate employees to do their best. As she progressed up the corporate ladder, she learned a great deal more about leadership and motivating associates. Conquering her fears, she turned that expertise into something she wanted to share with the world  … and you.

Think about what Susan said and how it applies to your own business:

“If you take excellent care of your associates, they will take great care of your customers which will have a positive impact on your company’s productivity … and profitability.”

This just makes good sense.

Heart Centered Leadership strives to counter the negative impact of chasing profitability first and foremost. That’s because minimizing the importance of associates ultimately means less attention given to customers which results in the pain you will feel the most – its impact on your bottom line. This begs the question – how can you motivate your associates?

At one point in her research, Susan asked people to think about the best boss they ever had. Now, she acknowledged that it was a broad question, so she also asked what that person did or said and what kind of an impact it had. Most people thought of someone within 15-20 seconds. And it wasn’t that boss’s expertise at strategy or planning or budgeting that they remembered – it was the way that boss made them feel. Valued.  I think it’s all about the experience their favorite boss created, because leaders need to create the right environment for people to thrive. This involves developing an emotional climate that resonates with people.

So, what is Heart Centered Leadership (HCL)? According to Susan, HCL is actually defined as “someone who has the wisdom, courage and compassion to lead with authenticity, humility and service. Someone who speaks with authenticity, works collaboratively and has the courage to do the unpopular thing when necessary.”

To get you started, here are the Seven Principles and Virtues of Heart Centered Leadership:

Principles

Virtues (emotions to resonate)

Know thyself Commitment to personal growth
Don’t judge and don’t assume – instead, come to understand Open-minded
They need what you need Authenticity
Letting go Detachments
Know the impact of your words and actions Integrity/foresight
Associates have a choice Humility/humbleness
Care for the heart Self-care/emotional health

There is much, much more to it, so I invite you to pick up Susan’s book. Here’s why:

  • Learn why people really quit – is it their job or you?
  • Discover that negativity is like a cancer that may spread throughout your organization.
  • Determine if your style of leadership is starving both you and your associates.
  • Explore the pitfalls that can derail your career or business.
  • Tap into the mental/physical energy that you need to be a successful leader.
  • Understand why employees are often disconnected from your vision.

I highly recommend Susan’s book. It’s an excellent gift for you or the leader in your life. It’s available at the Institute for Heart Centered Leadership’s website at www.instituteofhcl.org and Amazon.com, and you’ll receive a 20 percent discount by using the special code RNF2008. You can also read the Roadmap to Success by Susan and Stephen Covey and Ken Blanchard, with  chapters from 15 different authors writing about what success means to them, also available at the Institute’s website.

I wish you all great joy and tremendous success in all that you do.

Jonathan Manske

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Time for an Icon or Archetype Upgrade???

This is a topic that we have talked about before:

How do you think about yourself?  What is your self image?

Part of the way we think of ourselves is through the use of icons and archetypes.

Most likely some of your icons and archetypes could use an upgrade.

Let me give you a few examples that I have run across recently:

“Bob” sees himself as a survivor and if you know his history, this is accurate.  He has survived some truly rough experiences and has created a good life for himself.

However, in order to be a survivor you need things to survive.  So, “Bob” keeps attracting challenges into his life that he must then overcome and survive.

Being a survivor is useful, it just isn’t a good final destination.  “Bob” needs to upgrade that archetype to being a thriver.

“Sally”  thinks of herself as a lighthouse – guiding people and showing them the way.

The problem with this icon is:  where are lighthouses typically located?  They are in desolate, storm swept, remote areas.  They are lonely.

“Sally is lonely.”  She needs to upgrade her icon.

What if she thought of herself as a big spotlight shining up into the night sky guiding people to a big party.  She would have a very different experience of her life.

What are some of your icons and archetypes that could use an upgrade?  Are you a martyr, a victim, a lone ranger, a rock, a child, a . . . ?  Do these icons and archetypes serve you?  If yes, keep them.  If not, it’s time to upgrade.

How to upgrade your icons and archetypes:

#1  Identify existing icon or archetype.

#2  Figure out what would be a useful upgrade.

#3  Visualize the existing image in the palm of your left hand.  Have that image be as bright and clear as you can.

#4  Then visualize the upgrade image in the palm of your right hand.  Have that image be as bright and clear as you can.

#5  Go back and forth between the two images several times.

#6  Now slowly place the back of your right hand in the palm of your left hand.  As you are doing this, see the image in your left palm begin to fade out and be replaced by the upgrade image in your right palm.

#7  Leave you hands like this until you feel a shift (probably 30 seconds to a minute).  Then bring both hands against the center of your chest and leave them there until you feel another shift.

#8  Repeat this exercise 6 times over the next 3 days.

Also you will want to start actively thinking of yourself in terms of the upgrade.  (“Bob” would think, I am a thriver.  “Sally” would think, I am a spotlight promoting a great party.)

Wishing you great joy and success,

Jonathan Manske

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Heart-Centered Leadership

on the Inevitable Success Radio Show

This Thursday at 3:00 EST, 1:00 MST on www.realcoachingradio.com

My guest this week is Susan Steinbrecher, author of Heart-Centered Leadership: an invitation to lead from the inside out.

Heart-Centered Leadership explores both the heart and science of leadership.

According to Steinbrecher: When you adopt the principles of heart-centered leadership you will boost overall profitability by:
- Creating emotionally engaged, tuned in associates who are highly motivated and want to do their very best work for you
- Creating a workplace that attracts – and keeps – the best and brightest
- Developing a strong, innovative, resourceful bench
- Keeping customers and clients satisfied and using your service again.

Susan Steinbrecher, founder of the Institute of Heart-Centered Leadership, is an executive coach, speaker and author, and president and CEO of Steinbrecher And Associates Inc. a management consulting firm that provides professional development services in the areas of executive coaching, group facilitation, and leadership training.
www.instituteofhcl.com and www.steinbrecherassociates.com

I look forward to having you join us on the Inevitable Success Show!

Wishing you great joy and success,

Jonathan Manske

Time: November 13, 2008 at 3pm EST, 1pm MST
Location: http://www.realcoachingradio.com
Website or Map: http://www.realcoachingradi…
Event Type: Internet, Radio, Show
Organized By: Jonathan Manske

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Emotional Flat Tire

Emotional Flat Tire

This has happened to you.  It has happened to everyone.  Something happens in your life and “bamm” you are emotionally as flat as a pancake.

Your joy, vitality, enthusiasm, and get-up-and-go have all vanished.  You are stuck in the blahs, completely uninspired and don’t want to do anything.

You have experienced an emotional flat tire.  It’s hard to keep moving forward when you have a flat tire.

The technique I’m going to share here will allow you to get that emotional flat tire patched up and you back on the road moving forward.

In order to utilize this technique, you need to know about two things:  the human energy body and how to fix a flat bicycle tire.

#1  From an energy viewpoint, a person has five concentric layers (see illustration).

energy body

#2  If you have ever ridden your bike through stickers, you know what happens.  A thorn punctures your inner tube and all the air goes out of your tire.  You then need to take off the tire, remove the inner tube, find the puncture hole and patch it.  Then you need to reinstall the inner tube and tire and then pump up your tire.  Now you can ride again.

Imagine that the emotional level of your energy field is like that inner tube.  It can get punctured and when that happens you end up emotionally flat.  Instead of thorns, it can get punctured by words, by thoughts or by experiences.

Here’s what you do when that happens:

#1  Using your intent, intend that you are removing the thorn(s) and patching the hole.**  Use “love” as your glue to seal/repair the holes.

#2  Spend some time remembering happy, joyful, playful times in order to reinflate the emotional layer.

#3  Get back on your bike and start moving forward again.

#4  Repeat when necessary.

**You do not need to know what the “thorn” is or how it got there in order to remove it.  All you need to do is intend to remove it.

If I’m riding my bike and discover that I have a flat tire and see a thorn sticking out of my tire does it really matter if I know where or how I got the thorn?  Does knowing that at exactly 12 minutes and 23 seconds into my ride I ran over a purple leaf tiredeflaterus that was in full bloom make any difference at all to the fact that I have a flat tire.  No!  The work in front of me is to repair the tire and get back to riding whether or not I know how it happened.

Where knowing does become valuable is in assisting you to prevent this from happening again.  If I now know that this field is full of thorns, I won’t ride here again or I’ll pay more attention and make sure that I stay on the path.

If we know how we got emotionally deflated then we can take steps to prevent that from happening again.

Wishing you great joy and success,

Jonathan Manske

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Categories Mindset and Attitude
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The Inevitable Success Radio Show

at www.realcoachingradio.com

How To Get Clients

My guest this Thursday, 10/16, at 1:00 PM Mountain/3:00 PM Eastern is Susan Kildahl, Strategy Coach (http://www.coachedbysusan.com ) who specializes in assisting business owners/entrepreneurs/solopreneurs in the skill of getting clients.

Coach Susan owns her own networking group, runs a leads group within our local chamber of commerce and has just started her own online radio show, The Coached by Susan Show, which airs every Wednesday from 12:00-1:00 PM Mountain/ 2:00 PM Eastern on http://www.nowlive.com and http://www.coachedbysusan.com

Coach Susan is also a licensed facilitator for Get Clients Now! (TM) which is a 28 day marketing program based on the book by C.J. Hayden.

Our topic on Thursday is getting clients-how to find a prospective client, how to follow up with that contact, methods of follow up, filling your pipeline with potential clients. So basically anything having to do with getting a client to hire you.

I hope that you can join us.

Wishing you great joy and tremendous success,

Jonathan Manske

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The Law of Attraction in Times of High Uncertainty

Stating the obvious, we are experiencing a period of high uncertainty and most people are “freaking out” about it.

The big problem with “freaking out” is that worry, anxiety and panic never improve a situation.  The basic premise of The Law of Attraction is that whatever you give your attention, energy and focus to is what you get – whether wanted or unwanted.

FOCUS
Well, what are most people focusing on?  Disaster, impending doom, catastrophe, fear, loss, hardship, uncertain times, financial ruin, being a victim – the list goes on.

Hopping onto this bandwagon of negative focus is absolutely the worst thing you can do for yourself right now.  All you are doing is attracting more of the same into your life.

I used to teach a mountain biking class.  One of the skills I taught was how to ride through a tight space: such as between two trees.  To do this, you must focus on what you want, the space.  As soon as you focus on what you do not want, the trees, you will probably run right into them.  This will hurt.

Right now, there are a lot of people focusing on the “trees”.  This will hurt!

Instead of focusing on the “trees”, focus on what you want!

PERSPECTIVE and LABELS
Perspective is how you look at things.  How are you looking at the current situation?

During the great depression, more millionaires were made than at any other time in our history.  Those who made their millions then saw an opportunity where the majority saw a crisis.

Your perspective gives rise to the labels you use. Labels then determine how you interact with something.  You will interact differently with something you label “good” versus something you label “bad” or an “opportunity” versus a “threat”.

I guarantee you that there are a lot of successful people out there who are seeing the current situation as a tremendous opportunity.

Warren Buffet is buying by the wheelbarrow full right now.

PERSPECTIVE II
Most problems tend to diminish when we get a bigger perspective.  A bigger perspective can be quite useful here as well.

All systems move through cycles and phases.  They have their ups and their downs.  The real estate market, the economy and the stock market are all systems.

This too shall pass!

DISSIPATIVE STRUCTURES
Noble Prize winning chemist Ilya Prigogine created the theory of dissipative structures.

Without going into what a dissipative structure is, we can take some useful information from this model.  It provides us with a way to manage chaos and uncertainty in our lives without becoming a victim to it.

The model shows us that under certain conditions a system becomes increasingly unstable and reaches a point where it can no longer maintain or reorganize itself.  At this point, the point of bifurcation, the system has to change.  It will either jump to a higher level of organization or break down and reorganize at a lower level of organization.

The period of time while this is happening is called the period of perturbation.  It is a time of high chaos and fluctuating energy.  Chaos always precedes the shift.

We are now experiencing the chaos that precedes the shift.  The system will reorganize.

SERVICE
Looking for the opportunities to serve is a way to thrive in the chaos.  Be of service to others.  Be of use.  See what others need and then provide it. (That sounds like a definition of entrepreneurship)

COLLECTIVE CONSCIOUSNESS
The more you panic, the more you feed the monster and the bigger the problem becomes.

Stay positive, focus on what you want and know that this too shall pass!

Wishing you great joy and tremendous success,

Jonathan Manske

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Sales and Marketing for

Service Oriented Professionals

My guest for the Inevitable Success Radio Show this Thursday, October 9th, is business coach Mattison Grey.  www.greystoneguides.com.

This will be a fabulous show.  Mattison is really good.  We will be talking about:

Sales and Marketing for Service Oriented Professionals

Find your passion, live your dreams, work as play:  all that sounds great.  But the truth is that most of the time to do what you love for a living means you have to learn to sell – yuck!  If the idea of selling brings up resistance in you or you find yourself praying that your marketing works so you don’t have to sell, or just the word "sell" feels like a four letter word, don’t miss this show.   You may just leave with a whole new view of selling

Mattison has been teaching marketing and selling for 10 years and has been called the world’s best sales and marketing coach.  She loves to sell, talk about selling and help people feel differently about selling so that they can do what they love for a living.

Tune in to the show Thursday at 1:00 MST at

If you cannot make the show Thursday at 1:00 MST, you can listen to it later on the archives.

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