JonathanManske.com

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From my observations of working with people, it seems that nobody really understands trust.

What does it mean to trust?

Most people leave reality and go to fantasy land (where everything is perfect) when they think of trust.  Instead of dealing with what is so, they pretend that things are the way they want them to be.

Let me give you an example from my own life.  Many years ago my wife and I bought a fixer-upper house that we were going to fix up and then sell.

Our contractor, Steve, repeatedly over promised and under delivered, lied to us and did poor quality work.

Instead of dealing with reality and firing him, I went to trust fantasy land.  This is a place where Steve really was a good guy, he would come around and treat us right, he would start doing what he said, he would get the job done well, on time and on budget.

Of course, none of this happened. Steve continued to be who he had shown himself to be.  I continued to have headaches, frustration and stress over this project.  And, instead of making money on this venture we lost money.

I see this all the time.  Instead of dealing with reality people go to trust fantasy land.  The consequences of going to trust fantasy land are usually painful.

So then, What does it mean to trust?

There’s an old Chinese proverb:  Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.

This saying captures what it really means to trust.

Trusting means paying attention and observing what is there.  People are creatures of patterns, programs and habits.  They will show you who they are and what they do over and over.

Genuine trust is trusting that person to be true to their habits and patterns, to expect them to repeat what they have already done.  Then processing this and asking yourself, "Does this work for me?"

If I had done this with Steve, I would have realized that he was going to continue to break his word, over promise and do poor quality work.  Then if I had asked myself if this works for me, the answer would have been "OF COURSE NOT!" and I would have fired him.

(Boy I wish I could have a do-over on that project!)

This is also true for self-trust.  We should expect ourselves, we should trust ourselves, to be true to our own patterns, programming and habits.

If you procrastinated today, you should trust yourself to procrastinate tomorrow.  Then instead of beating yourself up because you are a "bad person who procrastinates", you end up just dealing with reality - "Oh, I’m being true to my patterns and am procrastinating again."

Ironically, dealing with what is makes it easier to change because it removes pressure.

Life gets easier when we deal with reality, when we deal with what is, and then make decisions based on that.  Trust others and yourself to be true to patterns, programs and habits and your life will get easier.

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How Do You Think About Yourself?

The way that you think about yourself has everything to do with the way your life is turning out.

Maxwell Maltz was a very famous plastic surgeon.  (He also wrote Psycho Cybernetics.)  He discovered something very interesting.  What he discovered is that he would do the same procedure on two different people and create very different results.

Let’s imagine that two people went to see Maltz because their noses had gotten crushed and deformed.  Because of this blemish, they had become self conscious and shy.  After the surgery one’s life was totally changed.  He became social, outgoing and confident.  For the other, nothing really changed.  In fact oftentimes this person couldn’t even tell that he looked different.  Friends and family could see the difference but he couldn’t see it in himself.

Maltz realized that there is a self image inside our heads - who we think we are.  This self image runs our lives.

If we change the outside but do not change the inside, the self image, nothing really changes.

I had a very insightful weekend regarding my own self image.

I think of myself as a laborer rather than a business owner.  This is a problem!  This is contradictory to what I want to create in my life.

I’ve been an entrepreneur pretty much my whole life but I have never thought of myself as such.

In high school and college I had a lawn mowing business.  I made way more money then my peers who had summer jobs.  But I never thought of myself as a business owner.  It never occurred to me to get even more customers and then hire some labor and make money off of their efforts.  Instead, my mindset was that if I want to make more money, I just need to work more.

Well, 20 years later I’m still doing that.  I still think of myself as a laborer.  Now that I am aware of this, I see it all over my life.

On my recent fishing trip to Alaska, I was a laborer.  If I saw something that needed to get done - I did it - get the boat ready, rig up fishing poles, haul salmon, vac-pac salmon and so on.  (I am a very good laborer).

If my self image was of a business owner, an entrepreneur, I would have seen that these things needed to be done and then would have made sure that they got done with me doing the doing as a last resort.

The good news is that:  You can change your self image!

Contrary to popular opinion, you can change your self image and changing it can be a quick, easy and painless process.

I have an appointment with myself this afternoon to do some work on changing my self image from laborer to business owner/entrepreneur.

Take a look at how you think about yourself.  If that thinking is not consistent with what you want to create in your life, then it’s time for a self image upgrade.